Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I will go to church every Sunday and Wednesday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking space appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind; I found one."
Monday, March 30, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Water In The Glass
A well-known proverb states that an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?
The BANKER would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.
The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.
The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass were in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?
The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, "What did your mother say about the glass?"
The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts: one a colorless, odorless liquid; the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus, the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.
The HOT, THIRSTY MAN would say that the glass doesn't have enough ice in it.
The BANKER would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.
The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.
The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass were in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?
The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, "What did your mother say about the glass?"
The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts: one a colorless, odorless liquid; the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus, the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.
The HOT, THIRSTY MAN would say that the glass doesn't have enough ice in it.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
New Cab Driver
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over.
The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.
The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something."
The Taxi driver said, "It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver.
I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!"
The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over.
The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.
The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something."
The Taxi driver said, "It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver.
I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!"
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Biology Revisited
- When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
- Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
- Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
- Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
- Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children too.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
- Thesaurus is an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
- Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
- Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
- Sterility is hereditary: If your grandfather didn't have children and your father didn't have children, you won't have children too.
Monday, March 9, 2015
African American Civil War Soldiers
A large number of blacks served in the Confederate Army as soldiers. Historians and students of history agree that blacks served by the thousands in the Confederate Army, but they will dispute, however, that these blacks served as soldiers, and will dismiss their service as that of servants attached to the Army. However, that is not the case. Both blacks and native Americans fought in combat for the Confederate Army. Free men of color were property owners and had as much to lose as the white soldiers they fought beside.
Steve Perry, a.k.a. “Uncle Steve Eberhart,” c. 1934.
As many know, black men were a fairly common sight at Confederate soldiers’ reunions in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Photographs from these reunions are evidence of their service and acceptance in the Confederacy.
Of course some were teamsters, cooks or even musicians and drummers etc. but, never the less gave faithful service to the Confederacy.
Arguments concerning the role that blacks played in the Confederate army continue to this day. Pundits still contend the degree of contributions made by blacks, in addition to disputing the actual numbers of those freed men or slaves who served with their white southern counterparts.
With the surviving documents, veteran’s personal accounts and affidavits, official records, and periodicals, it is however remarkable that many want to ‘cover up’ or just deny that southern blacks would serve in, and later be proud of participating in the Confederate army.
As many know, black men were a fairly common sight at Confederate soldiers’ reunions in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Photographs from these reunions are evidence of their service and acceptance in the Confederacy.
Of course some were teamsters, cooks or even musicians and drummers etc. but, never the less gave faithful service to the Confederacy.
Arguments concerning the role that blacks played in the Confederate army continue to this day. Pundits still contend the degree of contributions made by blacks, in addition to disputing the actual numbers of those freed men or slaves who served with their white southern counterparts.
With the surviving documents, veteran’s personal accounts and affidavits, official records, and periodicals, it is however remarkable that many want to ‘cover up’ or just deny that southern blacks would serve in, and later be proud of participating in the Confederate army.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Coast Guard Cook
On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crewmembers take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food.
One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an unfrosted yellow sheet cake cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman made chocolate icing and carefully decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley.
Frantically, the cook began to look around. "Where did my CORNBREAD go?" he shouted.
What If....
What if the Current president had been elected by less than 40% of the popular vote and not even on the ballot in over 30% of the states.
What if he shut down all news media opposed to his agenda and jailed the editors and producers...
What if he signed an arrest warrant for the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?
What if he arrested the majority of one states legislature because there was a chance those legislators may oppose him?
What if he deported his most vocal critic in Congress?
What if he declared Martial law and suspended Habeas Corpus, so that anyone could be arrested without being charged and held indefinitely?
What if he violated the 2nd Amendment by disarming the states of his choosing?
What if, after only one month in office and without congressional approval, he unleashed the full might of the military on any state that refused to pay federal taxes.
What if he initiated these actions against the almost
unanimous advice of his military and cabinet advisors?
What if the military, while carrying out his orders, killed thousands of civilians, burned down homes, destroyed property and torched countless cities; while robbing and raping citizens?
What if he created new states formed out of existing states simply for political expediency?
And what if he was so wildly unpopular that just months before the election he was almost certain that he would not be re-elected to a second term?
What if he stationed armed guards at polling places to intimidate voters and help insure his re-election?
What if, after the president’s death, the government told us that this was all done for the good of the country and to ensure that all races would be free and equal?
What if, BECAUSE OF ALL HIS GROSS VIOLATIONS OF THE CONSTITUTION, WHICH HE WAS SWORN TO UPHOLD, WE BUILT HIM A HUGE MONUMENT IN WASHINGTON DC AND CALLED HIM OUR GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER...?
Yeah, makes perfect sense to me
What if he shut down all news media opposed to his agenda and jailed the editors and producers...
What if he signed an arrest warrant for the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?
What if he arrested the majority of one states legislature because there was a chance those legislators may oppose him?
What if he deported his most vocal critic in Congress?
What if he declared Martial law and suspended Habeas Corpus, so that anyone could be arrested without being charged and held indefinitely?
What if he violated the 2nd Amendment by disarming the states of his choosing?
What if, after only one month in office and without congressional approval, he unleashed the full might of the military on any state that refused to pay federal taxes.
What if he initiated these actions against the almost
unanimous advice of his military and cabinet advisors?
What if the military, while carrying out his orders, killed thousands of civilians, burned down homes, destroyed property and torched countless cities; while robbing and raping citizens?
What if he created new states formed out of existing states simply for political expediency?
And what if he was so wildly unpopular that just months before the election he was almost certain that he would not be re-elected to a second term?
What if he stationed armed guards at polling places to intimidate voters and help insure his re-election?
What if, after the president’s death, the government told us that this was all done for the good of the country and to ensure that all races would be free and equal?
What if, BECAUSE OF ALL HIS GROSS VIOLATIONS OF THE CONSTITUTION, WHICH HE WAS SWORN TO UPHOLD, WE BUILT HIM A HUGE MONUMENT IN WASHINGTON DC AND CALLED HIM OUR GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER...?
Yeah, makes perfect sense to me
From Defending The Heritage on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Defending-the-Heritage/105448059536657
Saturday, March 7, 2015
While The South Slept
A little over three years ago, I started a list of our Southern heritage we had already lost. If there is a sleeping giant out there somewhere, we've got to wake him up very soon. The attacks continue to come at us and our heritage. We are losing battle after battle and the few who are actively in the fight are being overrun! We must sound the alarm and hope for an awakening.
While the South Slept—our 45 year old Georgia state flag was changed, dishonoring the Confederate soldiers it was designed to honor.
While the South Slept—the battle flag was removed from South Carolina's state house under threat of boycott, and placed at a Confederate Soldier's monument. The boycott continues as the NAACP says they are still offended.
While the South Slept—Confederate flags have been removed and banned from display at many Confederate soldier gravesites.
While the South Slept—the Southern song and tune "Dixie" has fallen silent, and has been banned from our schools and colleges.
While the South Slept—the Confederate battle-flag has been taken out of the hands of Ole Miss Rebel football fans because the football coach said it hurt his recruiting efforts.
While the South Slept—tee-shirts honoring Southern heroes that include the banner under which they fought has been banned from many schools throughout the South.
While the South Slept—employees of some large corporations have been told that vehicles with bumper stickers displaying the battle-flag were not allowed in the company parking lot.
While the South Slept—BellSouth has banned any likeness of the Confederate battle-flag from business ads in their yellow pages.
While the South Slept—the "Confederate Naval Museum" in Columbus was renamed the "Civil War Naval Museum".
While the South Slept—the Confederate Rose was renamed to the Cherokee Rose.
While the South Slept—under pressure from corporate sponsors the "Confederate Air Force" was renamed. It is now the "Memorial Air Force".
While the South Slept—the University of Georgia's "Dixie Redcoat Band" no longer plays "Dixie" and they are no longer called the "Dixie Redcoat Band".
While the South Slept—former Texas Governor George W. Bush appeased the NAACP by removing a Confederate plaque from the Texas Supreme Court building which had been built from funds set aside for Texas Confederate Veterans. The plaque was placed there in the early 1900's to honor the Confederate soldiers who died defending Texas.
While the South Slept—the names of schools, streets, bridges, and other buildings bearing the names of Confederate and Revolutionary War heroes are being renamed because the NAACP says you should be offended.
While the South Slept—the word Dixie has been removed from the "Dixie Intercollegiate Athletic Conference". This is an eight member conference of colleges in the North Carolina, Virginia area.
While the South Slept—Dixie Outfitters booths have been ejected from malls in Georgia and Alabama because they sell (non-offensive) Confederate themed tee-shirts.
While the South Slept—Ashley Walls, a student at East Highland Middle School in Sylacauga, Alabama, was told to remove a small necklace on which she had a small Confederate flag. Principal Nathan Brown says the school forbids all "rebel" insignia as well as all clothing or objects containing references to "Dixie."
While the South Slept—the Town Council of Exmouth, England, scuttles plans for a ceremony to honor Gen. Collett Leventhorpe, an English General who fought in the Confederate army. This was done because the observance might be seen to have "racist undertones."
While the South Slept—the Second National Flag of the Confederacy was removed from the display of flags at the Riverwalk in Augusta because the NAACP asked that it be removed.
While the South Slept—a young high school senior in Tennessee was forbidden from entering her high school prom because she had designed her beautiful prom dress to the likeness of a Confederate flag.
While the South Slept—Coca Cola now refers to it's founder, Dr. John Pemberton, as being a "Civil War Veteran" instead of calling him a "Confederate Veteran".
by Joel Coleman
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)