Cajun Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas an' all t'ru de house,
Dey don't a ting pass Not even a mouse.
De chirren been nezzle good snug on de flo',
An' Mama pass de pepper t'ru de crack on de do'.

De Mama in de fireplace done roas' up de ham,
Sit up de gumbo an' make de bake yam.
Den out on de by-you dey got such a clatter,
Make soun' like old Boudreau done fall off his ladder.

I run like a rabbit to got to de do',
Trip over de dorg an' fall on de flo'.
As I look out de do'in de light o' de moon,
I t'ink, "Mahn, you crazy or got ol' too soon."

Cux dere on de by-you w'en I stretch ma'neck stiff,
Dere's eight alligator a pullin' de skiff.
An' a little fat drover wit' a long pole-ing stick,
I know r'at away got to be ole St.Nick.

Mo' fas'er an' fas'er de' gator dey came
He whistle an' holler an' call dem by name:
"Ha, Gaston! Ha, Tiboy! Ha, Pierre an' Alcee'!
Gee, Ninette! Gee, Suzette! Celeste an'Renee'!

To de top o' de porch to de top o' de wall,
Make crawl, alligator, an' be sho' you don' fall."
Like Tante Flo's cat t'ru de treetop he fly,
W'en de big ole houn' dorg come a run hisse's by.

Like dat up de porch dem ole 'gator clim!
Wit' de skiff full o' toy an' St. Nicklus behin'.
Den on top de porch roof it soun' like de hail,
W'en all dem big gator, done sot down dey tail.

Den down de chimney I yell wit' a bam,
An' St.Nicklus fall an' sit on de yam.
"Sacre!" he axclaim, "Ma pant got a hole
I done sot ma'se'f on dem red hot coal."

He got on his foots an' jump like de cat
Out to de flo' where he lan' wit' a SPLAT!
He was dress in musk-rat from his head to his foot,
An' his clothes is all dirty wit' ashes an' soot.

A sack full o' playt'ing he t'row on his back,
He look like a burglar an' dass fo' a fack.
His eyes how dey shine his dimple, how merry!
Maybe he been drink de wine from de blackberry.

His cheek was like a rose his nose a cherry,
On secon' t'ought maybe he lap up de sherry.
Wit' snow-white chin whisker an' quiverin' belly,
He shook w'en he laugh like de stromberry jelly!

But a wink in his eye an' a shook o' his head,
Make my confi-dence dat I don't got to be scared.
He don' do no talkin' gone strit to hi work,
Put a playt'ing in sock an' den turn wit' a jerk.

He put bot' his han' dere on top o' his head,
Cas' an eye on de chimney an' den he done said:
"Wit' all o' dat fire an' dem burnin' hot flame,
Me I ain' goin' back by de way dat I came."

So he run out de do' an, he clim' to de roof,
He ain' no fool, him for to make one more goof.
He jump in his skiff an' crack his big whip,
De' gator move down, An don' make one slip.

An' I hear him shout loud as a splashin' he go,
"Merry Christmas to all 'til I saw you some mo'!"

Zebra Drawn Carriage

Why I'm Not Catholic

This is my main reason for not being Catholic. No other explanation required. 

Police Lives Matter

Jesus Is Coming Soon

I'm Your Biggest Fan

Acyrologia

Teach Your Kids To Stand Up To Bullies

Coincidence?

I don't know if this is coincidence or if it's even real, but it's chilling just the same. I do know Islam is an AntiChrist religion because it denies the divinity of Jesus.  

Don't Underestimate Me

Introvert

Wal~Mart Transformer

The Sound Of Nature

Questions For The End Of The World

So the world is supposed to be ending on or around September 23, 2015. That's bad. I never have found out who let the dogs out, the way to get to Sesame Street, why Dora doesn't just use Google maps, why we don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery", why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed, why "abbreviated" is such a long word, why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish washing liquid is made with real lemons, why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? If a deaf person has to go to court is it still called a hearing? Does the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune? Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs? And just what is Victoria's secret? You see, the world just has to keep going. I have too many questions......and do you really think I am this witty ????, because I actually stole this from a friend, who stole from a friend , who stole from a friend , who stole from for a friend , who stole from a friend ...which you may now steal from me.  

Profession As Relates To Pants Height

Science Test

My wife was grading a science test at home that she had given to her elementary-school class and was reading some of the results to me.

The subject was the human body, and the first question was: "Name one of the major functions of your skin."

One child wrote: "To keep people who look at you from throwing up."

Moth Man

A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.

"Doc," he says, "here's the problem. I think I'm a moth."

"Well," says the dentist, "that certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist's office?"

"The light was on."

Something To Think About

First they came for millions of our unborn babies, and His people did not fight the abortionists for fear of being called male chauvinist pigs, sexists, and oppressors.

Then they came to defile us sexually, and His people did not fight the sexual deviants for fear of being called homophobes.

Then they came for our national borders, and His people did not fight the illegal Mexicans and the Muslim infiltrators for fear of being called xenophobes, Islamophobes, and statists.

Then they came for our conservative Congress, and His people did not fight the RINOs and the communists for fear of being called uncooperative extremists.

Then they came for our Presidency, and His people did not fight Obama and his insurgents for fear of being called racists.

Then they came for our debt-free sovereign money, and His people did not fight the owners and employees of the Federal Reserve banking crime syndicate for fear of being called naive and unsophisticated.

Then they came for our churches, and His people did not fight the pacifist apostate pastors and priests spewing eunuch hermeneutics for fear of being called intolerant bigots.

Then they came for our military, and His people did not fight the sequestering political insurgents trying to disarm us for fear of being called war mongers and colonialists.

Then they came for our America, and His people did not fight because they were no longer Americans and there was no fight in them.

Then He came back for His people, but He did not know them -- so He left them.

(See Matthew 7:19-23, then Nehemiah 4:14.)

One Nation Under God

One Nation under God was their cry and declaration,
Upon the law of Nature's God they built a mighty Nation.
For unlike mankind before them who had walked this earthen sod,
These men would never question the Sovereignty of God.

That all men were "created" was a truth "self-evident,"
To secure the rights God gave us was the role of government.
And if any form of government became destructive of this end,
It was their right, indeed their duty, a new one to begin.

So with a firm reliance on Divine Providence for protection,
They pledged their sacred honor and sought His wise direction.
They lifted up an appeal to God for all the world to see,
And vowed their independence forever to be free.

I'm glad they're not here with us to see the mess we're in,
How we've given up our righteousness for a life of indulgent sin.
For when abortion isn't murder and sodomy is deemed a right,
Then evil is now called good and darkness is now called light.

While truth and law were founded on the God of all creation,
Man now, through law, denies the truth and calls it "separation."
No longer does man see a need for God when he's in full control,
For the only truth self-evident is in the latest poll.

But with man as his own master we fail to count the cost,
Our precious freedoms vanish and our liberty is lost.
Children are told they can't pray in school and they teach them evolution,
When will they see the fear of God is the only true solution?

Our schools have become a battleground while all across the land,
Christians shrug their shoulders afraid to take a stand.
And from the grave their voices cry, the victory has already been won.
Just glorify the Father as did His only Son.

And when your work on earth is done, and you've traveled where we've trod,
You'll leave the land we left to you, One Nation Under God!" 

By Judge Roy Moore

Trouble

If Jesus were to do his same ministry on earth today, He would be in trouble with:

the FDA for turning water into wine without a license,

the EPA for killing fig trees,

the AMA for practicing medicine without a license,

the Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness,

the NEA for teaching without a certificate,

OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying without an airplane, 

the SPCA for driving hogs into the sea, 

and the National Board of Psychiatrists for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.

Going Fishing

Buy A Log Truck

Children Are Quick..........

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: Class started before I got here.

Teacher: Glen, why do you get so dirty?

Glen: I'm a lot closed to the ground than you are.

Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

Simon: No sir, I don't have to; my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your 

brother's. Did you copy his?

Clyde: No, sir. It's the same dog. 

Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when 

people are no longer interested?

Harold: A teacher.

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry

tree but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Blessed

** Blessed are the Internet junkies, for their time shalt be a net loss.

** Blessed are those who build bridges, for they shalt get over it.

** Blessed are those who recycle motor oil, for they shall be refined.

** Blessed is the TV weatherman, for he shall talk up a storm.

** Blessed are the undertakers, for they shall be the last to let you down.

** Blessed are they who knit their own hosiery, for they shall not get a run for their money.

** Blessed are the auctioneers, for they shall look forbidding.

** Blessed are the breadmakers, for they shall rise to the occasion.

** Blessed are the nuns, for they shall have no bad habits.

** Blessed are those who stop horseback riding, for they shall be full of woe.

** Blessed are the thrifty deer hunters, for they shall get more bang for their buck.

** Blessed are the ministers who make mistakes, for it shall only be a clerical error.

** Blessed are the unionized church workers, for they shall bargain in good faith.

** Blessed are the watchmakers, for they shall work overtime.

** Blessed are the religious nuclear engineers, for they shall have critical mass.

** Blessed are students in Christian schools, for they shall have good Principals.

** Blessed are the poor losers, for they shall continue to diet.

** Blessed are those who are multi-lingual, for they shall be misunderstood in many languages.

** Blessed are those who are in medical school, for they shall become ill-literate.

** Blessed are the unemployed jesters, for they shall be nobody's fool.

** Blessed are the drama students, for they shall be a class act.

** Blessed are the bridesmaids, for they shall be wedding belles.

** Blessed are the landscapers, for they shall be bushed.

** Blessed are the gymnasts, for they shall always do good turns.

** Blessed are they who do the ironing, for they shall not be depressed.

** Blessed are the orchard growers, for their work shall not be fruitless.

** Blessed are they who avoid their in-laws, for they shall not be relatively annoyed.

** Blessed are the candy-makers, for they shall make a mint.

** Blessed are they who process lettuce, for they shall see the tip of the iceberg.

** Blessed are they who own horses, for they shall have stability.

** Blessed are they who play tennis, for love means nothing to them.

** Blessed are they that wrap leftovers, for they shall be foiled again.

** Blessed are the fishermen, for they shall have net income.

** Blessed are the musicians, for they shall be noteworthy.

** Blessed are those who are tailors, for they shall be suited for it.

** Blessed are those who drink orange juice, for they shall be able to concentrate.

** Blessed is he who attends church at more than one denomination, for he shall be bi-sectual.

** Blessed is he who stops smoking, for he shall be a quitter.

** Blessed is he who has a word processor, for his words shall be minced.

** Blessed are those who watch the stars, for their work shall be astronomical.

** Blessed are those who make perfect bread, for they shall be a good roll model.

** Blessed are they who make it through April, for they shall be in dismay.

** Blessed is he who plows in a straight furrow, for he shall be in a rut.

** Blessed are they who give hugs; for they are truly appreciated (more than they'll ever know).

** Blessed are they who have cellular phones, for they shall receive the call wherever they are.

** Blessed are those who turn off their cellular phones, for they shall have peace.

** Blessed are those who refrain from alcohol, for they shall remain sober.

** Blessed are those who laugh often, for they shall have strong funnybones.

** Blessed are those who speak as lawyers, for they shall be brief.

** Blessed are those who meet their mate on the internet, for it shall be love at first site.

** Blessed are the piemakers, for they shall generate fellowship. 

** Blessed are those who attend church regularly, for they shall be pewed.

Great Singles Ad

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It appeared in The Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

Diet Chicken

The Great General And His Trusty Horse, Traveller

Polite Atheist???

Public Nudity

This sight greeted people at a casino in Lake Charles, Louisiana last weekend:

Weight Loss Tips

Big City Lawyer Goes Duck Hunting

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. If you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisiana. We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic Code. We settle small disagreements like this with the Louisiana Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees where he immediately vomited.

The geezer's second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face.

The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his dark heart and vengeful will, managed to get to his feet, and said, "Okay, you old coot; now it's my turn."

The geezer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Pastor and Parishioner

The Sunday morning service had ended, and the pastor was greeting parishioners as they were leaving. Everyone was friendly as they greeted him, but no one said anything about the sermon.

The pastor was getting a little concerned about that until someone said, "Oh, pastor, your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God."

A little puzzled, the pastor asked him to explain what he meant.

The parishioner explained. "Well, pastor, that sermon reminded me of the peace of God because it passed all understanding. And it reminded me of the love of God because it endured forever."

Redneck Produce Stand

Stand For Your Beliefs

Funny Text

Numbers 6:24-26

Weight Watcher Utensils

Don't Be Racist!

Photo Comment Dump 7AUG15

Giant Silverware

It Do

Grass Scarecrow

No God But Jesus