THE PEARLY GATES

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants, arrive.

St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I'll be right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't be 

judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back 

and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. 

He returns to God's chambers and says, "Well, they're gone."

The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God.

"No. The Pearly Gates!

Identical Twins

Watch Your Language

How Is Your View?

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean; she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments. A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: "Look, she's finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? " The husband replies, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life... What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look

Make Your Shot Count

Natural Remedies

Here is a graphic showing natural remedies, and the sicknesses that can be treated by each. 

Short Shorts Are Cute?

This picture was taken at a Walmart near my home. 

Taking It Easy

Chocolate Covered Bananas

Cut up banana slices, then put a layer of peanut butter between them. ( you can use Nutella or almond butter instead of peanut butter if desired.) Put them in the freezer for one hour. Cover them in melted chocolate and put them back in the freezer for another 2-3 hours. 

Blend 420

Introducing Marlboro Blend 420:

Vintage Advertisement

Confidence?

Louisiana Swamp Mosquito

This mosquito was photographed by a daring photographer deep in the swamps of Louisiana. 

Farmers Pond

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..

Holding the bucket up, he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast !!! 

Roswell UFO Incident

I have been fascinated with UFOs since I was a child. Here is some Google art from the 66th anniversary of the Roswell UFO Incident on July 8, 2013. 

The Roswell UFO Incident occurred on July 8, 1947. 

Rumor has it that there are remains of the occupants of the alien spaceship in storage in a top secret government facility. 

Coexist?

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. - John 14:6 - KJV

Twins

Recently a young woman went into an insurance office with her newborn twins.

The agent asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart.

She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth."

Through The Crack In The Wall

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.  "What food might this contain?"  The mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed this warning : "There is a mousetrap in the house!  There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched,  raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me.  I cannot be bothered by it." 

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house!  There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray.  Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap . . . Alone. . .

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- the sound Of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.  In the darkness, she did not see it.  It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital.  When she returned home she still had a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.

So the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient: But his wife's sickness continued. 

Friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

But, alas, the farmer's wife did not get well... She died. So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered  to provide enough meat for all of them for the funeral luncheon.

And the mouse looked upon it all  from his crack in the wall  with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem  and you think it doesn't concern you,

  - REMEMBER -

When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another  and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a FRIEND.

Cowboy Cornbread

Ingredients: 

2 lbs of hamburger meat

2 cans of Rotel tomatoes 

1 can of Ranch Style beans

2 packages of Mexican Cornbread mix

1 can of cream style corn

Shredded cheese (as much or as little as you like)

Instructions:

Brown and season 2 lbs of hamburger meat,drain, add two cans of drained rotel tomatoes and one can of ranch style beans. Simmer 10 minutes. Mix two packages of Mexican style cornbread per directions, add a can of cream style corn to cornbread mix, toss in shredded cheese and stir. Pour half of your cornbread mix in the bottom of the pan, pour meat mixture, top with shredded cheese, pour remaining cornbread mix on top. Bake at 350 until cornbread is done. 

Fresh Produce For Sale

Diets

How To Remove Permanent Marker From Almost Everything

Clothes – Hand sanitizer

Walls – Toothpaste or hairspray*

Carpet – White vinegar

Wood – Rubbing alcohol

Dry Erase Board- Dry erase marker

*Don’t scrub too hard with hairspray, you don’t want to remove the paint!

Peach Brandy

A Baptist preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning.

It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy. He told the preacher that he would attend his church IF the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.

Sunday morning the man visited the church. The preacher recognized the man from the pulpit and said, "I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given."

Caramel Crispix

Ingredients 

2 small boxes of Crispix Cereal 

2 cups of butter 

2 cups of brown sugar 

½ cup Light Karo syrup 

½ tsp Vanilla

½ tsp Baking Soda 

Instructions Melt butter in a sauce pan. Add brown sugar and bring to a boil. Add Karo syrup, vanilla and baking soda. Put the cereal in a large bowl then pour mixture over the top.

Shared from: http://thegardeningcook.com/ 

A Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day...

A proper decision by the courts... for a change.

In Florida, an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians & Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, 

"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.

The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays..."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counselor, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said," Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fool’s Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned..."