Crack Hoe

Forever Alone

 

Over Versus Under

 

Second Time

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Smith, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Lynda. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Lynda a good examination, then turns to the
mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Lynda is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Lynda?"

Lynda says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it.
About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'm not going to miss it this time!"

I'm A Nillionaire

 

Stranded Irishman

 

The Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-panel energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. 

Hellllloooooo…….just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Hellllooooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!

The Necklace

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

Random Puns

  

Uncle Ben! Nooooooo!!!

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???!!!

Today I went to the grocery store and while at the checkout I dropped a $20 bill... the lady in front of me picked it up... I thanked her and told her that it was mine and she said "The things found on earth are kept by the collector" and walks away... I looked at the cashier who is as amazed as me and, in a loud voice, I say to the lady, "is this some kind of joke?! Give me back my $20!" I followed her into the parking lot, still shouting, but she would not stop.. When she got to her car, she put her shopping bags on the ground to open her car door. So I went up, grabbed the bags and walked off as fast as I could yelling "The things found on earth are kept by the collector!!" I went home nervous, shaken and agitated because I've never stolen anything in my life, I opened her bags...and what did I find inside?????????????
NOTHING BC THIS IS A JOKE TO SEE WHO READS THE WHOLE THING SO IF YOU DID YOU CAN COPY AND PASTE IT ON FACEBOOK LIKE I DID...

Relationship Goals